To Be or Not To Be: A Social Butterfly
Posted by canireallyhaveitall on November 3, 2008
It’s been 3 months since my child was born and I am just itching to go out and have a good time. Prior to being pregnant I didn’t go out much but I had the luxury to go out when ever time and finances allowed. It was always fun to just hang out with the girls or even my husband and just relax. Entertainment is something we all need in order to get away from the problems, issues, or concerns of our day to day routines. So now that I’m 3 months post partum I’m ready to go out and all I hear is you have a two month old (now 3 months). Why is being a social butterfly so controversial for parents?
Once you decide to have a child you are told your life changes and the “you as you know it is no more and your life now should be focused on your child. But is that really the case? Does anyone else long for the “you” that you use to know? It may just be a case of wanting your life back and things being back to “normal” but whatever it is, it is gnawing at you and making you an unhappy mom and/or wife. Is it really bad to want to go out with friends once a month or maybe even once a week? Am I really doing my child an injustice by leaving her at the sitter while I get some well needed entertainment outside of my household? And am I being a bad parent or am I being a good parent by allowing myself to blow off some steam so I can give my child the love he/she needs.
I currently struggle with this item as we speak. I sometimes feel sad that I allow myself to as if I am the primary parent and therefore feel reluctant to enjoy life outside of my family. My family should give me enough fun, and entertainment that I need. Why do I need to look elsewhere? In some way I feel as if I’m hurting my stepson, newborn, and husband by enjoying life without them. However, I so miss going out with my friends, and being free to up and go as I please. Now don’t get me wrong, my husband is all for me to go out and he’ll watch the kids, but I would feel like it’s all my fault if something should happened and I was out partying.
I personally do not feel there is nothing wrong with going out and enjoying life even if it is once a week. A few of my friends are single parents (my husband was prior to our marriage) and I realized that going out wasn’t a way for them to get out of being a parent, but it allowed them to do something else for a moment so they can be reenergized for their children for the next month, or next week. If we surround ourselves with our kid’s life we can create a loneliness and emptiness in our lives that can lead to many different directions as our young ones get older. We may end up trying to live life through our kids, we may wake up one day and realize how empty our life is because we focused so much on our child that it can in some way lead to depression. As long as your child is being taken care of by a well trusted person then do what you have to do to keep your sanity so you can be All Women to your family.
stickysweetdiabetics said
I totally agree that you should be able to go out and have some fun with friends. For me there is a difference in going out occasionally and giong out on Monday for ladies night, Wednesday for line dancing, Friday free before $10 and Saturday and Sunday just because it’s the weekend. LOL!
We have to enjoy ourselves outside of being mommy, wife, sibling and daughter but I admit I to struggle with guilt after having a much needed girls night out. But it has to be done so Go Girl! Enjoy yourself you deserve it.
Andrea B.
F.P.E. said
I completely agree with you. And I am going to work on having my well needed girls night out. I was suppose to have one recently but my girl got sick. I’m going to have one, I just know I am.
Momisodes said
An excellent topic. I’ve learned that with parenthood, comes guilt… in many, many forms. Whether it’s breastfeeding long enough, feeding organic foods, or heading out for coffee with a friend for an hour, we carry some level of guilt sometimes. However, especially once you’ve become a new mom, finding that balance between work, life, family, and self can be a tough juggling act. Sometimes we really need to remember to cut ourselves some slack. We do the best we can, and EVERYONE deserves a break from time to time
ouro said
Hey, this is Ashley! I meant to tell you the other day but I got a chance to read your posts. I think they’re really good! They’re really applicable to anyone trying to figure out who they are, not just new mothers. I really can relate to what you were saying about sitting down and actually finding out what you want instead of just going along with the flow of other people’s lives. It can be easy to do that and forget that you have goals of your own! Also, your writing style is really approachable and conversational, so that’s good too. I think you’re on the right track and I think what you’re writing about can talk to a lot of people. Even though I’m single and don’t have any kids, I can totally understand what you’re saying and agree with it. I think it’s kind of a transitional period for people our age.
Also, I don’t think you should feel bad at all about going out once in a while to just be with your friends. You have to do it or you won’t be all there for your family! I think that everyone needs their own time no matter how devoted they are to their family. They aren’t mutually exclusive!
I love the way you changed the layout too. Great job. Keep writing!
rhea said
I can remember this feeling oh so well. I have 3 children (7, 2 and 1) that was on full time bedrest with and after having them I was itching to go out and have a good time. But I struggled with the idea/guilt of leaving them. Your reluctance to enjoy life outside of your family is hard but necessary in order to maintain total health and wellness.
But what I find now is (at least in Maryland) there are so many things that you can do with the family that allow you to meet other parents/moms as well. I know that for me my website (www.thecocktailcafe.com) came out of my own personal experience, struggles and victories as a stay-at-home mom with three little ones. I love giving my unsolicited opinions and finding events and resources for the entire family. My mission has been to help them celebrate the woman behind marriage, motherhood, and business by create a community resource for all women to network and connect.
Great discussion. Lets keep in touch!
Felicia said
I remember this conversation when I was married the first time. And it came from my husband at the time and he felt that time to myself was selfish. I felt that having a child and maintaining identity were two separate issues and I still maintain what makes up me. Why should a child interfere with who you are? It’s another addition, but not the end. I read an article when I first became a single parent where the bottom line was, your kids are a part of you, but they do not define you. And I breathed a sigh of relief and do my thing. My kids love it when I’m there and then they love it when I’m gone because we all get a break and a chance to be individuals.
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